A Changed Moon
by htbookreader1
Summary: AU new moon What if Bella was with Jake and Jake is the one who leaves Bella? Would Edward be the one who comes and comforts her? Would she find Jake again, or stay with Edward? Vampires wont be the only enemies chasing Bella Ending is anyones guess R R
1. Chapter 1

**So, i tried to write firefly fan fic--nothing in me. I updated twilight fic--not much response. But, after watching and watching new moon dvd i remembered everything i love about Edward and Bella. New moon is hard to watch for ed/bella fans, Eddie leaves, and comes up so rarely throughout the course of the novel, suddenly and monumentally returning in the end with the climax of the book. So, here's my attempt to switch a couple of things around. New Moon Remixed. What if Jake was with Bella and he left her? And then Edward, the best friend, could become something more as he comforts her?? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, or any of the characters, i just own my smiles when reading the books :) **

A Changed Moon

**Chapter One: Beauty in the Breakdown**

"I'm leaving," he said in a blunt voice. It cut deeply in my skin like fire, and like ice all in one. But, I was not ready to let him go, not just like that.

I shook my head. "I'm coming with you." I was being crushed, smashed against a car. Any minute tears could potentially come down my cheeks. I had to be dreaming this.

His black eyes gazed into my intensely. It was as if he was studying me, examining me, finding everything that could possibly be wrong with me…in that one second where his eyes met mine. "You can't come with me."

I almost smiled, thinking that this was all a big joke.

"Why not?" I asked anxiously.

He took a deep breath, letting his lungs fill up with oxygen, and, doing so, removing all of my air. He did not look at me, but through me, almost past me. As if I was not even there anymore.

"You're not good for me Bella," he said quietly.

I scoffed. "If this is about the scar—"

He interrupted me. "It could have been worse, much worse, if I couldn't regain control of…" His voice drifted off and he shook his head. "But, that is besides the point Bella."

Instead of getting angrier and angrier with him, I felt my heart grow heavier and heavier as if there was nothing to stop me from falling under its burden. Though, at that moment, I would have welcomed such an escape from the earth, from everything.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked.

He was silent, though now, his eyes tried to gaze into mine. But, I could not meet his look. There was so much ferocity behind it…and none of the pain that was clearly showing in mine. Why was he not sad to leave me? Why did he seem to want to be rid of me?

And then I knew, with all clarity and all bitterness.

"You…don't want me?" I asked nearly trembling.

"I don't want you Bella," he answered. "This is the last time you'll ever see me. It is better this way."

My eyes were fixed at the forest floor. If they rose any higher to look at him, to see his beautiful face, I knew that tears were sure to come. They would come in floods beyond floods.

I felt his lips kiss my forehead and then pull away from me.

"Just try to stay safe," he said sounding so far away from me. "If you will do me that one request Bells."

I heard his footsteps become faster and faster, and then very distant. When he left the clearing I looked up, horrified at the emptiness that was suddenly consuming my heart. I followed my instincts, and attempted to run after my supernatural love.

"Jake!" I screamed hoarsely through the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Jake, wait!"

While running I tripped over a root. Instead of getting up, and continuing the search, I remained on the forest floor. I curled myself up into a little ball, blocking out everything from the entire universe except for the pain. Perhaps if I could just lie here, and chase the entire world away, I would not feel so broken.

I closed my eyes, and wished desperately that something, that anything, would come and eat me. A bear, a wolf…and at that mentioning of a wolf more tears feel from my cheeks, wetting the earth with further sadness. My wolf had left me, had let me go, and did not want me.

_He didn't want me._

I felt the day's end nearing, as the forest took on a colder air. The noises changed and different birds and beasts echoed all around me.

Maybe I would die right here, on this heartless piece of land.

I felt myself drifting into another world, a world of rest, of sleep. Of nothingness.

Suddenly I felt that I was being picked up, away from my restful tome, by very cold arms. Arms that made me shiver, despite my sleepy state. And the shiver awoke my blood again to continue its course throughout my veins. It reminded me to breathe again, to take in oxygen again. To feel the pain again.

As if in a dream, I looked up briefly at the owner of the cold arms. In the darkness I could not see his face, but I saw a flicker of his eyes. They were a beautiful golden hazel color. There was some warmth in them, despite the lack of heat in his arms.

I closed my eyes again and let myself be drifted…

* * *

Night brings forth certain instincts in a vampire. It does not do well to hunt during the day, where anything, and anyone can be lurking through the forest. Hunters, or people could be in the forest during the day…it is not ideal to mix the smell of their blood with the blood of the animals.

On that night Emmettt and I decided to hunt deer. We had heard that there was an overpopulation problem of the creatures, and we kindly lent our services to maintaining a healthy balance in the forest.

It was dusk when we stepped into the heart of the forest and closed our eyes.

We both let our nostrils control our brains for about five minutes. In those minutes we sensed all the different creatures and beings within the near radius. After the given amount of time we both opened our eyes and looked at each other.

"Anything?" I asked.

Emmettt shook his head. "Nothing remarkable, we should get a little deeper into the forest."

We walked a little further, and that was when I picked up this sent. I could not describe it, but it was so mouthwatering, so breathtaking. I could not stop myself from smelling it, it made me feel light and dizzy, something vampires do not normally feel. It was beautiful.

And I recognized it almost immediately.

First, it was human blood.

Second, it was a specific human's blood—Bella Swan.

I knew her from school, and we were almost friends with each other. But, last year, I told her that we could not be friends anymore. It was too dangerous for us to be friends, let alone talk to each other. But, she had agreed. She smiled at me when we met in the hallways; we talked about simple things in class. And…I loved her.

Not that I was sure I loved her, because I barely knew her, and because you cannot call good smell love.

I was sure that I loved the way her cheeks turned red when she was nervous. I was sure that I loved the way she bit her lower lip when she was thinking. And I was sure that those feelings I felt, whatever they were, should never exist.

Yet now, in the darkness, I felt her intoxicated scent.

Emmett smiled and gave my shoulder a light punch. "You wanna take that one bro?"

I rolled my eyes. I knew what he was thinking.

_It would be my forlorn brother, able to have any vampire girl he wanted, who falls for the weak little human._

I shrugged. "She's not weak."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "You know, sometimes, just sometimes, a man needs his own thoughts and privacy."

"Not when you live with vampires," I answered with a laugh.

Emmett gave a sniff. "Smell that?"

I nodded. I was beginning to pick up this god awful smell in my nose. It was putrid, rank, and just disgusting. It was like dog, and saliva, and wet.

"You know that smell," said Emmett.

I shook my head. "I know what you're thinking, and no. No way. Alice would have known."

Emmett shrugged. He pointed to one direction of the forest. "I'm going to head that way, see what I can smell without you hearing my every thought. I don't want you to get the best blood first."

I laughed. But then my expression turned serious as I read Emmett's thoughts.

_You should deal with it brother, I won't interfere._

Emmett started to leave the clearing so I quickly said, "Thanks."

"Too corny to say it aloud," I heard him say until he disappeared completely into the forest.

I followed the two smells with closed eyes. They were conflicting in my mind, Bella's beautiful scent, and this other, horrid stink. Emmett was right, I could have identified it, as he presumed to do. But, I was not willing to believe that Bella was going out with something like that…

There was no way she would…

As I got closer to the source of the smells, the rancid one suddenly dispersed, leaving Bella's and releasing my ever sensitive nose.

I approached a clearing in the forest, the trees seemed to bend together to provide a gap in the forest. In this gap, where sky made contact with the middle of the forest, I spied a shivering girl, lying on the ground. She was curled up in a ball, and as I grew closer, I saw that her eyes were closed.

Bella was truly beautiful like that. And her smell…God did I let it fill my entire body and soul. It would be so easy, so easy to just let the blood flow and take my full. She would never know, and never awaken. But, I shook my head, just as the thought so easily entered my brain, so easily too did I let it slip away into nothingness.

She was far from home, from her father, from anything she remotely knew and loved. There were traces, light traces, of another smell on her skin. I shook them off from my mind. Now, there was just Bella lying before me. And, if she remained like this, here, for the entire night, she might not live till morning. She might never be found.

Without any protest from the responsible part of my mind, I put her gently into my arms. She was practically no weight in my arms, and so easy to be broken. As I walked I looked at her sleeping face, and thought, perhaps, she had been broken by something else.

I noticed that her jeans were ripped at the knee, and there was a little blood on them. I looked away from the blood, from Bella's sleeping face, to the forest in front of me. I would spill no blood tonight, and for me, there would be no hunt. I thought of my father's strength, and forced myself to relax.

To my surprise I felt Bella nestle closer to my chest for…warmth?

I was not a warm being at all, almost heartless, and relying on the blood of animals, but…yet…she found warmth in my cold arms.

I let myself smile a little. Just a little.

I soon left the forest carrying Bella all the way. Outside of the forest, I saw a group of men, led by Chief Swan, searching the entrance for any sign of Bella. Charlie's eyes widened when he saw me approach with his daughter in my arms.

His first thought was, _Bella! You're safe, _followed closely by, _what is the Cullen boy doing with her?_

I quickly explained myself. "Chief Swan, I was taking a walk through the forest, when I heard someone trip and yelp in pain. I found Bella like this, sir." I carefully handed Bella to Charlie in a swift motion, where I betrayed nothing of the emptiness I suddenly felt as she left my arms.

"Thank you Edward," said Chief Swan quietly.

I looked into eyes. There was genuine gratitude and relief in his deep brown eyes.

"Not a problem sir," I said forcing myself not to look at Bella, but focus my gaze on the chief of police.

But, it seemed I slightly overstayed my welcome.

_Why is he still standing here?_

I nodded to the chief, and the rest of the police, and searchers. "I'll be going sir, have a good evening."

I walked away from the group, to the pavement, and to the road leading back to my house.

I was soon joined by Emmett. There was a little bit of red on the side of his mouth.

"Good meal?" I asked.

Emmett nodded. "How'd you guess?"

I pointed to the bit of blood on his face.

He wiped it away. "Better than I expected, for an ordinary deer. How about you?"

I stopped walking and met his gaze. "How about me, what?"

"Good meal?" he asked me.

I knew he was joking, I could tell just by seeing his face, but the thought of killing that girl, of killing Bella just…

It nearly killed me.

Thinking of Bella, dead, at my hands no less, or dead at anyone's hands, made me…made me…almost not want to live. I was so close to Bella when I held her in my arms, closer than I had ever been before to her. I had not let myself, I had restrained myself.

So now, now, I thought back to last year, when I told her that we couldn't be friends.

I was beginning to regret that decision.

I could be near to her, I could touch her, and she would still be safe.

"Still didn't answer the question," Emmett reminded me yanking me from my thoughts.

"Sorry," I said.

"If you won't let me have my thoughts," said Emmett smiling, "how fair is it to let you have your own?"

"I brought her back to her father," I said quietly, continuing to walk.

"So, nothing happened?" Emmett asked.

I nodded. "Nothing happened."

Though I knew better.

Everything had happened.

**Interested?? Curious?? Jake and Edward switch, well what do you all think of that?? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah, back the next day with an update how does she do it?? maybe i'm a little obessed with twilight. A major thanks to the six reviews for the first chapter you all put smiles on my faces!! I got one review that i'd like to address she said that there were certain things in the story that did not seem like they really would be. Maybe its confused others of you. Well, this is like a reverse new moon so certain things are going to be different as you'll see. Please read review and enjoy!!!!  
**

**Chapter Two: Regrets and Aged Texts**

It was difficult to breathe anymore. To let the lungs fill up again and again with oxygen was taxing. But I did it anyway, for no other reason than for dad, for mom, and for Jake's last request.

_Be safe._

I shook my head.

_Stupid werewolf._

"Bella!" yelled a voice abruptly.

I blinked and slightly raised my head and looked up into my teacher, Mr. Errand's, angry stare.

Normally, I would have felt embarrassed, ashamed even, if a teacher had caught me daydreaming. But it wasn't as if paying attention in class would ever make the pain go away. And he could punish me all he wanted, he could expel me even, but it could not even begin to measure the ache in my heart.

"Yes?" I asked showing how uninterested I was in anything and everything he had to say.

"Where you paying attention?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yeah," I answered, incurring some smirks from the other students. Not that what they did really mattered, not that this school mattered at all. Not anymore.

"Can you," said Mr. Errand, "repeat the last lines of, Rome and Juliet, which we have just reviewed, and then explain their significance?"

I shrugged. "Maybe the interpretation is up for anyone to decide. Shakespeare probably never intended us to be picked and prodding his art like animals."

Again I heard more laughter echoing through the classroom. Instead of making me smile, it had the reverse affect. I just made me feel colder and more isolated.

"Despite your hypothesis," said Mr. Errand wrinkling his forehead, "I still want you to do as I asked."

I grudgingly lifted my copy of Romeo and Juliet up and flipped absently mindedly to one of the pages. I smiled at the passage that I was currently looking at. I doubted it was the right passage that Mr. Errand wanted me to read but there it was, staring at me in the face.

"_'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou  
hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes  
two of the house of the Montagues."_

It was something funny that I could even picture _him_ smiling at. Jake was always up for a good fight, he normally laughed through the entire brawl. Except, I remembered, that one time when things got a little out of hand. When Jake's anger got a little out of hand…

Just as the happy memory came, so too did I feel a wave of worthlessness and sorrow.

"Bella?" asked Mr. Errand smiling almost as if he wanted me to fail, "recite it please."

As I was about to open my mouth, there was a coughing fit in the back of the room. Everyone, except for me, turned to look at the disruption.

"What is it Mr. Cullen?"

My eyes opened wide at the name. Was that Edward Cullen?

I shook my head, that guy didn't cough, or even so much as sniff. He wasn't ever sick either. Someone with such a record health doesn't suddenly break into a fit of coughs that echoes the entire room.

But then I heard his voice.

"Sorry Mr. Errands," Edward said standing up, "I don't feel so well. May I be excused for a little while?"

Mr. Errands nodded. "Sure. Get some water or something." He then turned around and began writing on the board, making it squeak and scratch all the while.

As Edward walked up the isle of desks, he briefly paused at mine and let a slip of paper fall from his hand on my desk. Then, quick as lightning, he left the room. Not once did I meet his eyes. Long ago he had practically ordered me not to speak to him.

After saving my life, preventing a car from squishing me and killing me, he forbade me from speaking to him. And I obliged him. So what was on that piece of paper?

I subtly opened up the piece of paper.

It read: _Act I, Scene II, Benvolio's first paragraph of lines._

I raised a brow at it.

Quickly I flipped to Act I, Scene II, and saw Benvolio's first paragraph of lines.

"Begin Miss Swan," said Mr. Errands chalk poised at the chalk board ready to copy what I read.

"Uh," I began, "Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning, one pain is lessen'd by another's anguish; Turn giddy, and be holp by backwards turning; One desperate grief cures with another's—"

I was interrupted by the classroom door opening and Edward walking back in. I met his gaze for just a moment before breaking from it and finishing the monologue.

"Another's languish: Take thou some new infection to thy eye, and the rank poison of the old will die," I finished as Edward Cullen walked back to his seat.

"Very good Miss Swan," said Mr. Errands as he scribbled what I had just written on the chalk board. "You were paying attention. Now for the next part of the question, what does that mean?"

I sighed. "I guess it means that Benvolio wants Romeo to move on, forget Rosaline and his love for her."

Mr. Errands nodded. "Good, but, there's a little more than just that, underneath the surface meaning, right?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess that Benvolio sees how Romeo's aching, and upset, and he's trying to…to remind him, or convince him that he'll get over Rosaline easily."

Mr. Errands raised a brow. "You don't seem too convinced yourself, care to explain?"

No, I did not care to explain! I just wanted to alone and sulk, and brood, and weep and moan in a dark corner of the world. It had been three months at least since he left. But it wasn't just him, all the werewolves left abruptly. They left no trace behind, nothing behind, except for me, and memories.

"I'm not convinced because," I said, betraying no emotion as I spoke, "it is not so simple for Romeo just to meet someone new and expect to feel the same feelings for her that he did for Rosalie."

"Even though he meets Juliet in Act two?" I heard a voice ask from the back of the classroom.

Edward Cullen.

I rolled my eyes and did not turn around to face him. "But he hasn't met her now," I said defending my point, "at this point in the play he's deeply in love with Rosaline. Not much is going to change that."

Edward scoffed. "One look at Juliet and its goodbye Rosaline."

I shook my head. "It takes more than that," I said turning around and facing him for the first time in our argument, "to actually fall in love."

Edward raised a brow and was about to reply when Mr. Errand tapped at the chalk board. We both turned forward to face him.

"Anyway," said Mr. Errand trying to get back on topic, "we can see from this that…"

I drifted off into my own thoughts practically lulled by the monotonous voice of Mr. Errand. And in my sulky and gloomy drifting where nothing would ever be right again, I did find my cheeks flushed. I had not felt color in my face since Jake had left.

After the bell rang, I dragged myself out of class and walked like one of the dead to my next class when I heard my name being called.

"Bella, wait up."

I watched as Jessica walked towards me with a puzzled look on her face.

I nodded to her. I was too spent of energy to actually say the unnecessary yet sadly customary "hey."

"What was that in English class?"

I shrugged. "What are you talking about?"

"You know," said Jessica giving me a mischievous smile, "with Edward Cullen."

I shrugged. "I don't know. He was just being stupid and I was telling him why he was wrong. You know, normal stuff I guess." Not that I was sure what normal was anymore. I had left the normal world for a long time, returning to it, per Charlie's request, was not going as well as he had hoped.

But I was trying…

Always trying.

Jessica shook her head. "I don't know Bella, I don't think I'd be that mean to someone who saved my life."

I sighed. "That was over a year ago Jess.

Jessica rolled her eyes. "No, the second time. Don't you remember that?"

I blinked and shook my head. "No."

Jessica bit her lip. "Didn't your dad tell you how you got out of the forest?"

My body shook when she mentioned the forest. It brought up memories of him. Memories of how he seemed to glow when he walked, of his gentle growl in my ears. Memories of his smile on his boyish beautiful face, of his warm touch on my skin.

I had assumed that my dad and the search party found me. I had not wanted to discuss that day with Charlie, and he likewise never brought it up. Was Jessica suggesting that it had not been the way I thought? Was she actually implying that Edward…?

Jessica seemed to take my silence for my lack of knowledge on the subject. "Its all around school you know. Word is that Edward was the one who found you, and that he carried you out of the forest."

"You're kidding," I said without any emotion.

Jess raised a brow. "You don't remember any of that?"

I shrugged. But in the midst of the shrug I suddenly was reminded of that jolt of cold skin that seemed to quench my feverish body. I was suddenly reminded of those golden eyes that glinted in the moonlight.

I had thought it was some dream, which I had experienced due to my weakened state of being. Over the past few months I had been filled with terrible nightmares and visions of howling wolves and darkened imprisoning trees. But, so too had I dreamt of golden eyes.

When I came out of my thoughts I noticed that Jessica had left my side. I sighed to myself and continued walking through the empty hallways like a ghost. This school, this life, was so blank and dismal without his laughter and sunshine.

Without his love.

I fondly rubbed my shoulder, my only reminder that he had ever existed, that he and his kind were real. Underneath the sleeve were four long claw marks, now turned scars. Despite the pain they had caused during the time, knowing that those claws were there, and not my own fantasy, made me smile a little.

We had been fighting one night when I came over to his house.

_Jake kissed me gently on the lips and let his fingers work through the locks of my hair. I kissed him back happily, hoping that this moment would never end. That moments, such as they are, would become lifetimes, and shift from their rigid seconds of measured time._

_ "I love you Bells," he had whispered with a small growl in my ear._

_ "You're so adorable for a werewolf," I giggled._

_ Then he picked me up and thrust me onto the bed. I had blinked, knowing where this was going…_

_ "Jake," I said as he began to undo the buttons on my top, "wait."_

_ Jake had not heard me, and he began to kiss my neck, my chest…_

_ "Jake!" I yelled and tried to forcefully remove his hand from my jeans. But as I grabbed his hand with all the force I had in me, he gave an angry, yet furious, growl like a beast. He did not move from his position._

_ I twisted on the bed, and kicked him in the leg. He groaned, shook, and suddenly began to morph into the huge werewolf I loved and feared. His claws cut my shoulder and I cried in pain._

_ My pain awoke the human, and calmed the beast._

_ "Bella," he said a little later after he changed again, "Bella I—"_

_ I shook my head and wiped away a tear from his cheek. "You didn't mean to hurt me. Its okay. I'm fine." _

_ "I'm sorry," he said wrapping the wound protectively. "I'm so sorry."_

As that memory came crashing into me, biting into me, I thought that I could almost see him again. I thought that I could almost see his grin again. His smile.

_"Get to class Bells," _he said.

I walked towards my next class, and all the classes that day, wondering what had just happened to me.

I was crazy, or I was sane and just experienced an unshared reality.

Both options seemed to point to the fact that I was crazy.

But, besides resolving that I was insane, I resolved to speak to Edward Cullen. This resolution was much difficult for me to come to than the first resolution. Speaking to Edward Cullen was not like speaking to someone you hated, or a stranger, or even a friend.

It was another task all together.

One I did not relish in doing, but one that had to be done.

After the last bell rang, I managed to catch up to him after class.

"Edward!" I called.

He turned, saw me, and curled the sides of his mouth into a smile. "Bella, hey. Listen, about English class—"

"Thank you," I said quickly, before he could continue reminding me of how smart and sophisticated he was compared to us "mere mortals."

He grinned. "What are you talking about?"

I said nothing, almost forgetting where I was as I looked up into his eyes.

_They're golden brown._

_ Dammit._

"You mean about the note in English class?" Edward guessed.

I felt my cheeks grow red. "No, I mean yes. But I don't mean for that, I mean for what you did for me a couple of months ago. Apparently you were just wandering through the forests, in the dead of night, and found me."

He was surprised that I brought that up. "Oh, uh, your welcome."

His slight nervousness calmed me a little. "What were you doing in the forest? If you don't mind me asking?"

Edward took a breath. "You know, I just go through the forest every night finding lost people and returning them home."

I smiled. "That's a real skill you have."

Edward shrugged. "I don't ask for the gifts, they just come."

"Seriously," I said. "Is it like some voodoo, cult thing?"

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. "Like, a group of people go to a forest in the dark of night and start worshipping the trees and the owls?"

I pulled back a strand of hair. "To each his own."

I spoke from experience with that one. Some people like to go changing into other creatures…

At that thought my smile faded and I looked down at my feet.

"Anyway," I said, still looking at the ground between us, "thanks for saving me. I owe you one, and uh, have a nice life."

I turned around and began to walk away when I heard Edward call, "Bella."

I turned back, and would have started walking back, when I realized he was standing right in front of me. "How'd you get here so fast?"

He swished his mouth from side to side, and looked pained by something. "You weren't that far away."

"I guess not."

Edward raised a brow. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

He was unconvinced. "There's something wrong."

"Oh, so you have more powers than you thought, how nice for you."

He took a step back. "Its not that hard to see."

I groaned. "Why do you even care?"

"What?" Edward asked, not expecting my question.

"Last year," I said shaking my head in disbelief, "last year, you told me that we couldn't be friends, that I couldn't even talk to you. But, you have this twisted need to continue saving me, and you don't even like me. I just don't get it."

Edward scoffed. "Twisted need?"

I held up my index finger. "First, the near death car collision. Second," I continued holding up the next finger, "the near humiliation during English class. And thirdly," at this I held up a third finger, "you carry me out of the forest, when I could have been lost forever."

Edward shook his head. "Wrong order."

"You know what I mean."

"Maybe I was wrong."

"About what?" I asked.

"Us, not being friend," said Edward. "Maybe I was wrong about that. Maybe, I was just stupid last year."

I smirked. "Edward Cullen? Stupid? Not likely."

"I make mistakes too," he said instantly.

"I'll believe it when I see it," I muttered looking intently into his eyes.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he repeated.

"It's really nothing," I repeated.

"You've been walking around here," said Edward pointing to the school's hallway, "like some kind of…zombie."

"Ever considered that I might be one?" I asked.

Edward did not chuckle as I expected he would. Instead his face was very serious. "Not, really, no."

"Again with the concern about my well being," I said mocking him.

He shrugged. "Again with the avoiding of the question."

I bit my lip and said nothing.

"Maybe I can help?" he offered.

I raised a doubtful brow.

"I'm a good listener," he said.

"You're a good talker," I corrected.

"Is this about English class?" he asked with a hint of amusement.

I smiled, though I still tried to remember to be annoyed with him. "I still say I'm right about Romeo. And about the other thing."

"Remind me," he said.

"The, uh, falling in love part," I said.

He scratched his head. "No, don't remember."

"You're gonna make me say it all over again?"

"Maybe," he replied giving me a crooked smile.

"You can't fall in love from a look, or a touch, or a smell."

Edward began to laugh, mocking me I guessed.

"I have to go," I said. "But, this was, educational."

I turned around and started to walk away again when I heard him call, "Forks Library."

I turned my head around. This time he hadn't followed me. Edward was almost blended in to the rest of the crowd, except for his eyes and his height, which made him stand out from the others.

"What?" I yelled from across the hallway.

"If you want to talk to me," he said. And then he disappeared into the sea of people and completely from my sight.

I walked out of the school, to my car, opened the door, turned the key…

And drove home.

Or at least…that was the initial plan.

* * *

"Brilliant plan," Emmett said when he met up with me after school.

"Laugh all you want," I said, knowing full well that he had heard my entire conversation with Bella, and that he would spend a lot of time laughing about it.

"It's just funny," said Emmett as we walked to the cars.

"What's funny?" Rosalie asked meeting us in the parking lot.

"Nothing," I said not wanting another Cullen to know about my condition.

"Its okay Edward," said the cheerful voice of Alice as she and Jasper walked up to join us, holding hands. "Its nothing to be ashamed of."

Jasper looked at me seriously.

_How can you stand it? She's so close to you. There's traces of her scent on you. How do you not attack?_

I gave Alice a quick, and annoyed, glance. Of course she told him. Why wouldn't she tell him? Alice told Jasper everything, including things that were none of her concern. So she saw the future, she did not need to prance around telling everyone about it.

But Jasper was still the newest member of our clan. His bloodlust was greater than ours. I understood that.

I grinned at Jasper. "Practice."

"What's going on?" Rosalie asked.

Emmett put his arm around Rosalie. "Our Edward's finally found a girl."

"Emmett," I said quietly, hoping that he would lower his voice, "say it a littler louder, I don't think the humans on the other side of town heard you."

Emmett shrugged. "I'm not the one who—"

"Don't say it," I asked. "Just don't."

"Loves a human," Emmett finished and then broke into a fit of laughter.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. "Is that true Edward?"

"He can't help it babe," said Emmett sweetly to Rosalie, "he's hooked."

"I'm not hooked," I said, trying to explain myself to Rosalie, to the rest of them, and to myself. "I'm not."

"He told her he'd be at the library later today if she wanted to talk to him," continued Emmett feeling the need to repeat the entire conversation.

"I can't believe this," said Rosalie shaking her head.

_He's going to endanger all of us. _

"I'm not going to endanger us," I said angrily. "First, I would never do anything to hurt us. And secondly, I'm not going to pursue a relationship with her."

Alice swished her mouth back and forth. "Maybe not _now_."

"Did you see this coming?" I asked her.

"Yes," she answered but then her face grew dark, "strangely, she only came into my view very recently."

"What do you mean?" I asked, though I knew that Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie, all wanted to hear this too.

"I knew she was coming last year," said Alice in a quiet yet clear voice, "and I knew you were going to save her from that car. But then, after you stopped speaking to her, she just sort of faded away. I thought it was because I wasn't focusing on her…but now she's clear again."

"What are you saying?" Rosalie asked echoing all of our thoughts.

"Either I can only see her when she's with you," Alice said directing her words to me, "or there was something totally blocking her from my view."

Emmett looked at me mischievously. "Well, now that you mention that Alice—"

"Emmett," I groaned.

"This concerns the rest of us," he said. "When Edward and I were hunting some months ago, and we smelled her scent, and _another_ scent. When did you start seeing her again?"

Alice nodded. "A couple of months ago."

Emmett held out his arms as if he was asking for applause. "See? There it is. I solved it."

I narrowed my eyes as I read his thoughts clearly.

_We're not the only supernatural ones out there, bro. _

"You know what," I said walking towards my car, "I'm going to go now, but please, enjoy the rest of this delight conversation."

"Who is she?" Rosalie called out as I stood in front of my car.

I turned around and looked into her eyes.

_Please?_

"Bella Swan," I replied.

I got into my car, turned the key, and headed toward Forks library. I hadn't actually expected her to come and so I mentally prepared myself for that possibility. After all, I had spent nearly an entire year, acting like a jerk, she had no reason to trust me, let alone confide in me.

And, as I drove to the library, I started thinking about Emmett's theory. Everything seemed to add up in his favor. The horrid smell we had encountered, the traces of it on Bella's skin, the fact that Alice could not see her until I found her in the forest…

_Running with werewolves? _

I shook my head as I turned into the parking lot of the library.

I got out of the car, walked toward the library entrance, and all the while thinking: _Just turn around. Don't be stupid. She won't be here, she won't be here._

I opened the door, still letting the mantra play out in my head like a broken record. I maneuvered my way through the endless shelves of books, hoping at each turn of the head that she would be there.

My wandering feet eventually led me to the back of the library. The books, mostly reference books, were old and smelled of dust and isolation. It was, in fact, my favorite section, simply because it resonated well with my own condition. These great volumes of facts and information heaped of old age and cold pages, could sooth a vampire like me.

They too watched the world turn and change with aged and wise eyes.

Reference books never seemed to change though.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a familiar voice behind me.

"Looking for something?"

I turned and found Bella sitting on the ground, leaning against the reference books and looking up at me.

There were traces of tears in her eyes, but, at the same time, a very light smile on her face.

**So what do you think? Could the library be like building the motercycle? maybe. and just pretend that rosalie and emmett still go to school-okay? Love to hear from you all!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**I totally jinxed myself with putting up the second chapter the next day (what was i thinking?) Not much happens in this chap but go with it please. Thanks for the nice reviews on the second chap. And thanks to everyone whos reading this and favoriting this!! i appreciate it. Reviews help me write so if you like this, please give me a shout out cauze its very very encouraging to us authors. **

**Note: I found the quote in the beginning from some book. I thought it fit pretty well with the theme of the story (and new moon regular) maybe i'll start putting a quote at the top of each chapter. hmmmm**

**Chapter Three: Blame, Pain, and Mind Games**

_Three things that are worse than sorrow; to wait to die, and to die not; to try to please and to please not; to wait for someone who comes not. –Irish Triad _

I swear I was driving home. Actually, I did go home and I found Charlie, sitting at the table and waiting for me. He looked up at me and gave me an odd look, like there was something wrong with my face.

"What?" I asked.

"Your cheeks are flushed," he said with a small hint of a smile.

I touched my cheek to feel the heat. "They are?"

Charlie nodded. "Had a good day?"

I bit my lip. "It was a day, nothing special."

Charlie leaned back against the chair. "It's the first time I've seen any color in your cheeks since..."

My facial expression must have set him back a bit.

"Sorry," he said holding up his hands for a truce. "It's true."

I shrugged and said nothing.

Dad raised a brow. "You gonna put your backpack down anytime soon?"

I blinked. "What?"

He gestured to the backpack, still on my back.

"Oh," I said, "actually, I realized I have to go to the library for a little while. I was coming home, to, you know, tell you that."

Charlie smirked. It had been some time since I had seen him smile at anything I said. "Okay Bella, whatever you say."

I smiled and shook my head. "I'll see you later dad."

He nodded and I walked back out the door. As I heard it close I closed my eyes and cursed. What was I doing? Was I actually going to the library, of all places? Not that I had anything against libraries, or Forks library, it was just…

How did I know this wasn't some kind of very big joke Edward was playing on me. Not that I knew if Edward Cullen had the ability to joke about much of anything.

When I came to the library I didn't find him anyway. I was beginning to doubt whether he was coming at all. After all, I was used to abrupt leavings and departures. If _he_ could leave me, someone who I loved and cared for, than why not Edward? What was so different about them anyway? Both were teenage boys, and both had no interest in me whatsoever.

I trudged through the extent of the library as if there was the giant weight on my shoulders. I felt the color and the red fade from my cheeks with each step I took. He wasn't coming, he wasn't coming. The mantra played like a broken record in my weary head.

I sat down finally, leaning my head against the oldest shelves of books in the entire library. I felt so weak, and so alone. Yet, I knew I wasn't weak, the weak do not have the courage to carry out an entire conversation with Edward Cullen. The weak do not have the strength for it as it requires all the muscles in one's brain to be on constant and ready alert.

That wasn't weak.

And, even though he was gone, and nothing would really ever be right again, I still lived on without him. So maybe, though there was no light in my world, the real one would keep turning and spinning on its axis. And, I could take my fill of oxygen, without any regret.

_I'm not weak._

But, I was alone. I was vulnerable and alone. Solitude is often welcomed, from the chaos and collision of the daily life. But solitude is far, far different from loneliness. Loneliness is thrust upon you, and often due to your own miserable actions of stupidity—because of vulnerability. I had loved and made myself vulnerable to him, now I was alone. So too had I let myself believe that Edward would be here, but now I was alone.

I needed a rush, I needed a thrill, I needed some sort of exhilaration, something, anything!

My eyes were growing watery, in a moment I would leave, in a second, any second now…but, the feeling of perhaps staying forever in this cold place felt dangerous. I started thinking about how I could just sleep among these books, and wrap myself around them for comfort. I would just remain here, forever, and never come back.

That was when I heard footsteps.

An intruder.

I debated whether or not to take one of the old books behind me and fling it into the shelf in front of me, just to hear the footsteps reaction.

That was when I heard _his_ laugh. _Give it a good throw._

I blinked, shook my head, and totally forgot about throwing anything at all.

I was about to debate whether or not I was sane, when the owner of the footsteps came to my corner of the world. His back was toward me, but I knew that head of hair anywhere.

"Looking for something?" I asked.

And as he turned around I felt this rush, this thrill, and this, this, _thing_ inside that I had been lacking. His face looked so pleased to see me, and it had been so long since I had seen a face shine that brightly just by seeing me.

"Bella," he said making the word sound like a breath of fresh air in the summertime. "You're here."

"I didn't think you'd show up," I said pushing back some strands of my unruly hair.

He gave me a grin. "And yet here I am."

I nodded.

Edward looked at the books I was leaning against. "Comfortable?"

"Absolutely," I answered without skipping a beat. "Man enough to join me and give yourself a bad back?"

As soon as I spoke those words I regretted them.

_Man enough? Really Bella? _

Edward, however, took my challenge well. "I'll risk the bad back."

In a second he was sitting beside me. But, even though he was sitting next to me, he kept a certain distance between us.

I took a deep breath and hugged my knees into my stomach.

"Cold?" he asked with a bit of a smile.

I nodded. "Aren't you?"

Edward raised a prefect brow. "Why do you ask?"

I bit my lip. "Don't laugh okay?"

"I'll scowl if it'll make you feel better," he promised.

"I remember that you felt really cold when…" My voice trailed off. There was absolutely no way in the world I was going to be able to finish that sentence. It would take a lifetime to find the courage to tell Edward Cullen that last bit. The bit where I remembered his cold hands and fingers shocking life into my sense again all those months ago.

He looked at me straight in the eye. "When what Bella?"

I thought about how _he _would react if I told him something about himself that wasn't very flattering. Not well at all. If his hair was a bit shaggy that day, or his arms were a bit warmer than usual, or his growl a bit too harsh in my ears…

His kind tended to get a little crazy about small matters, not that much different from humans in that sense.

"You can tell me," he insisted.

I sighed. "When you were carrying me out of the forest." After that jumble of words came flying out of my mouth I looked away from him pretending I was looking at the books on the other side of me.

"You're embarrassed." It was more of a statement than it was a question.

"Yes," I answered, without turning around.

"You shouldn't be," Edward said kindly.

I blinked. "And you're not embarrassed? Most normal people don't generally like being told that they have cold hands."

"I've never been what you'd call normal," said Edward in a voice that felt so very small and distant. It was almost like he wasn't speaking to me anymore. I turned back to face him, and realized he wasn't even facing me anymore, but instead, looking out at the books in front of us.

"Being freakishly smart isn't abnormal," I said feeling that his superior brain was his strangest quality.

He chuckled. "I wish it was that simple."

I shrugged and let my legs stretch out in front of me. "Sounds like you're the one who needs help more than I do."

Edward also let his legs stretch out in front of him, so that our feet were almost touching, if it hadn't been for the fact that Edward was much taller than me, and still a few inches from me.

The silence was sort of unbearable. It was like this thick fog that covered everything.

"So?" I said, breaking through the silence, "you want me to find a couch to lie on or something?"

Edward gave me a small smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so quiet."

"You don't have to do this you know," I said. "I get it, you feel bad for me or something, you don't need to try and fix me."

He nodded. "You're right I don't need to." And then he looked into my eyes again with such an intensity and depth. "But I could still help."

I gave him a doubtful look. "You don't even know what's wrong with me."

"I know that you're not sleeping," he said looking at the darkness under my eyes.

I attempted to look away, but I found myself transfixed by his gaze. "Anyone could see that."

"And it's consistent," he said still studying my weary eyes full of baggage and burden.

He was so close to seeing my damage, and my pain. And, part of me, small though it was, wanted him to see what was wrong with me. Part of me wanted him to heal me, or fix me, or ease this void in my heart.

I could just tell him. I could just tell him what had happened, why I was so shut off from the world without any light. I could tell him that no one saw me as human anymore, except, surprisingly, for him.

_Are you out of your mind?_

"I'm beginning not to see the point to it anymore," I said quietly.

"To what?"

"Life," I answered straightly.

I thought that he would cringe, or have nothing to do with me anymore. Besides Charlie, I'm sure that it was difficult to deal with someone like me. People didn't want to be around someone who just wandered through life as if it meant nothing to her.

Instead Edward gave me a crooked smile, and his eyes seemed to reflect a sense of warmth, friendship even. It was like he understood how I felt, without even a minute to think about it.

"Wait," I said, before he had a chance to say anything, "you get what I'm saying? Edward Cullen, brilliant and shining Edward Cullen, frustrated with life?"

The brilliant Edward Cullen raised a brow. "I thought we got passed that whole, brilliant Edward Cullen part of the conversation. But I do get that feeling Bella." He looked at his hand for a minute and then back at me to add, "And I'm definitely not shining."

"I'm just tired of it, of just waking and moving and walking. Of being."

"You didn't always feel like that though," Edward said, though it sounded like a question.

"Mostly just this year," I said.

Edward gave me a sympathetic look. "What changed?"

This was the moment. He was sitting there calmly, and giving me the opportunity to just let go of myself and tell him. And it would be easy, because all I had to do was tell him that the best thing in my entire life left me. All I had to do was tell him that the one person I had been loved by, whom I had given my heart to, had not wanted me.

All I had to do was tell Edward Cullen and myself that I was nothing.

_"How do you become a werewolf?" I asked Jacob. _

_His arms wrapped around my back and he pulled me in for a kiss. I felt my way around his mouth and was soothed by the heat constantly radiating from his body. _

_We parted. _

_"What did you ask Bella?" Jake murmured, his eyes were still closed and he was kissing my neck lovingly. _

_"Not all Quileutes are werewolves," I said suppressing a giggle when he ticked my neck. "Why you then?"_

_Jake stopped kissing my throat and gazed into my eyes. "We have a job, the werewolves I mean, we protect our people."_

_I gave him a light smile. "From what? Bears?"_

_Jake, in return, gave me a serious look as if I was about to fade away. He then pulled me in for a huge hug and wrapped his arms around me protectively. Despite his warm temperature, despite his confidence and sunshine, I could feel him shivering. _

_"From anything Bells."_

Without realizing it, a tear raced down my cheek as if it was falling from grace.

And then I saw Edward's finger come slowly, almost with calculated determination, towards my cheek. If his finger had not been so cold, I wouldn't even have realized he wiped the tear away it went so fast.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to-"

I shook my head, not wanting him to be sorry for something that was clearly not his fault. If anything, it had given me another shock of memory, of hearing his voice again.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked suddenly.

I hadn't meant for it to come out like that. But, there was no reason in the world for him to talk to me, to fix me. What was he gaining from this?

He looked perplexed. "I told you, I want to help you."

"I don't see how," I said. "Unless you know how to glue something fragile."

"How fragile?" he asked.

"A soul."

Edward took a deep breath. He stood up and took a breath. Then, he turned, and looked down at me. "You were so cold in the forest Bella, so small, and so afraid. After I gave you to your father, I wasn't sure what was going to happen to you. You seemed so lifeless, like a ghost almost."

I listened carefully saying nothing.

"I wondered if you would go back to school, back to a normal life after that. But," and at this Edward smiled bringing forth some breath to the dusty world around us, "you come back, you return to this world again, no matter what happened before. And maybe you're not as good as you were then, maybe you walk with this load on you, but you still walk, you still exist. That's not nothing Bella. And, what's more, I can understand what it is to be nothing, and lifeless."

I realized my mouth was open. I shut it, blushed, and wondered how long it had been hanging in the open like that.

"Dead," I said.

"What?" he asked.

I stood up to my full height and looked up into his eyes. "Being through that, it's like being dead."

He smiled at that. "I want to show you something."

He left the reference books and began walking down the aisles and aisles of books in the library. It was difficult to keep up with him, though he was only walking. At last he stopped in front of one of the books and took it out. He did this so fast that I couldn't even see the cover that I might know what he was doing, and why.

Edward expertly flipped through pages and pages until at last he stopped at one specific page.

He began to read, "Or bid me go into a new-made grave, and hide me with a dead man in his shroud-Things that, to hear them told have made me tremble-And I will do it without fear or doubt, to live an unstain'd wife to my sweet love."

I blinked. "Romeo and Juliet?"

Edward handed me the book, and, sure enough, it was.

"Someone read ahead," I said looking at Edward not the book.

He shrugged. "I had the time."

"What's so important about that passage? For you at least?"

Edward chuckled. "Being dead because of love, wanting death because of love, it's just something I can relate to."

I looked at him and said nothing.

"My parents," Edward began slowly turning away from me, "my birth parents, died when I was very…young. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with them, wherever they are now."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly to Edward's back.

He turned around to face me. His eyes seemed surprised, surprised that I would sympathy? Empathy? But, perhaps his eyes were not surprised, but glad to have the comfort of knowing that they were not judged by my eyes.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I've been hurt too," I said looking at the ground, "by love."

* * *

The tires screeched at the driveway. The door was forcefully slammed shut by my slightly quivering hand. I feverishly thrust my hands and anxious fingers into my pockets as I entered my house, so as not to let them know anything was wrong.

But something, obviously, was wrong.

I could feel my eyes fading from the warm color they were in the afternoon, to a midnight ash. Cold as I was, deprived of life as I was, I felt very driven by hate, by aggression.

I stopped a few feet from the doorway to my house. I couldn't go in, I couldn't approach them all. All of them, with their normal, contented vegetarian and love filled lives…they were too much for me to handle at the moment.

I decided to fade into the woods that surrounded the Cullen house and dwell on the darkening mood in my soul.

I sat down against a large oak tree and closed my eyes to the world. My first thought was of her face, her sweet and beautiful face. Her mind was such a mystery, and they held such hidden depths as her rich chocolate-brown eyes.

_I've been hurt by love too._

I groaned and mentally prevented myself from tearing down any nearby trees.

_"What do you mean?" __I asked walking towards her as one would approach a stain glass window with awe and respect._

_"I," she began in a quiet voice that still seemed to envelop the entire building, "gave my heart to someone a year ago. He left in the beginning of the year, and took a part of me with him."_

_I had blinked, not knowing what to say. Yet I had wanted to know this, to somehow find out if this was the cause of her suffering. Somehow I had known…yet still I had not known who specifically. _

_I began to open my mouth when she shook her head. She did not want me to speak, perhaps she had heard everything there was to say before a million times over. Perhaps I could do no more good for her than to listen, to simply hear her._

_"So you won't be able to fix me," Bella whispered giving me a false smile. _

_"I've seen people," I said risking further pain, "who are broken, who are beyond any repair, and you are not one of them."_

_Bella looked at me as if we were thousands of miles apart from any understanding, from any connection. And maybe we were. Maybe a vampire and a human could never understand each other, they were not designed in the same world for that purpose. One was a prey to the other's predator. One talk does not break that age old difference. _

_But I loved her. I loved her more than some werewolf did. I had no idea who it was who had brought my angel this low to the ground. The wolves were all alike though, tearing out and destroying what was not theirs. _

_"Let's get out," I said finally when she was silent._

_"Out?"_

_"Out," I said putting back the Bard's poetry. "Into the world. Fresh air."_

_She nodded and we were soon breathing in the fresh air. The clouds made a cover around the sun, shielding my skin from any sign that I was different from the rest of the world._

_I had to force myself to slow my walking to match Bella's slow feet. _

_"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked._

_She sighed. "Why?"_

_"It helps," I said softly, "or, so I've heard."_

_Bella gave me a bit of a smile. "So, you've never been in love before?"_

_She was more interesting with every new word…_

_"No," I said looking up at the foreboding clouds, just daring them to spread apart for the horrid sun's entrance. _

_"No?" she repeated. "Just like that?"_

_"Just like that," I said hoping that I was lying well enough._

_Bella laughed and it sounded like music. "I'm not sure if I can believe that."_

_I hoped she would. "Why? Because I'm Edward Cullen?"_

_She smirked. "Maybe. Maybe because I'd have thought that someone would have sparked your interest."_

_"None of the girls here are good enough for me," I said repeating something that Jessica had told Bella the first day I saw her. _

_That did it…._

I opened my eyes to the forest around me. The sky was beginning to rest, soon the sun would be wrapped around in a blanket of darkness, and of night. Perhaps the stars would bedeck the night sky, or perhaps, more likely, it would rain tonight.

It was thundering in my heart. I had to finish the memory, it was the only way…

_Bella had blinked. "Jessica told me that, those words exactly."_

_"Really?" I had asked hoping that she would drop it. _

_Bella stopped walking suddenly and stared up at me, giving me an odd look. "Were you listening to that?"_

_And that was when I had a choice. I could tell her that I was not listening to her conversation with Jessica a year ago, or alternatively, I could tell her the truth. The first instinct would be to lie, and I could lie very convincingly when I had to. But, I looked down at Bella. _

_She was so beautiful, and so damaged. I could see that clearly in her wandering eyes. Whoever this werewolf was, he had not treated her the way she deserved. He had loved her, and then suddenly, he had destroyed her. He had taken a part of her love, a part I might never gain. What right did I have lying to her?_

_"I can read minds," I said at last. _

_Bella's lips curled into a smile. "Why am I ready to believe that?"_

_I nodded. "Its true. I can read everyone's mind, well with one exception."_

_"Only one?" she teased._

_"Yours," I had said._

_"Oh," she said, not expecting that. "Is there something wrong with me?"_

_"I think there's probably something wrong with me," I assured her._

_Bella got to thinking at that point. "You knew then?"_

_I raised a brow. "Knew what?"_

_"That he was leaving me," she said trying to gather up oxygen into her lungs._

_I shook my head, hoping that she would meet my eyes. "No, I had no idea."_

_"Really?" she asked crossing her arms._

_I nodded. "When I found you, you were all alone."_

_"I never told you that he left me in the forest," she said quietly. Bella turned away from me and began walking away. I watched her walk back to her car, get in, turn on the engine, and speed out of the parking lot._

_Idiot!_

I stood up now and found myself drenched in rain. Despite the cold water, it comforted me, this refreshing sanctuary of purity. I felt bathed in holy water as it tried to save my damned soul from its eternity in hell.

I took a breath and walked back to my house. As I came out of the forest I saw Alice. She greeted me with an umbrella.

"Thought you'd might need this," she said.

"So you know," I said, without needing to read her mind.

"I didn't want to tell you that part," said Alice giving me a sympathetic smile.

"Do you see anything else? I'm not going to hurt her am I?"

Alice closed her eyes tightly and then opened them suddenly. "Whoa!"

"What is it Alice?" I asked suddenly.

Thunder rumbled from above.

"Edward," said my sister softly, "I'm not sure if you can afford to stay away from her."

"What do you mean?"

"If you're not there," Alice said giving me the umbrella and letting herself be cooled by the trembling chaotic night, "she's going to hurt herself, or something is going to hurt her. And, there will be a time in her future where she'll go blurry again."

I understood her meaning. "He's going to come back?"

Alice nodded.

"The future could change," I said, more out of reassurance than knowledge.

"I've been wrong before," said Alice.

"Not often," I said.

"Not often," she repeated.

**WHOA shocked!!! also hows eddie going to make it up to bella?? find out next time. **


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